Husband: if I die, will u remarry?
Wife: no, I'll stay with my sister.
Wife: if I die will u remarry?
Husband: no I'll also stay with your sister.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Hospital fun!!!
Peter called his doctor's office for an appointment.
"I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "we can't fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment. "
**********
Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.
"I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "we can't fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment. "
**********
Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.
Unopened CDs!!!
There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... a cancer that can't be treated.
He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother.
He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once.
So he asked his mother and she gave him permission. He walked down his block and found a lot of stores.
He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked.
He stopped and went back to look into the store.
He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight.
He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her.
He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.
She looked up and asked "Can I help you?" She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.
He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it.
"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.
He nodded and she went to the back.
She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store.
He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him.
He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't.
His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.
So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped.
He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...
------------------
!!!RRRRRING!!!
The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"
It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday..."
The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother.
Later in the day. the mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes.
So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.
Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.
It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn The mother opened another CD...
Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn
Love is... when you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You . . . "
------------------
If you Really Love Someone please Expressed your feeling and let them know how much you Love them,
That person might also love you in the same way as you love them Before it is too late................
He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother.
He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once.
So he asked his mother and she gave him permission. He walked down his block and found a lot of stores.
He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked.
He stopped and went back to look into the store.
He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight.
He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her.
He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.
She looked up and asked "Can I help you?" She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.
He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it.
"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.
He nodded and she went to the back.
She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store.
He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him.
He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't.
His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.
So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped.
He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...
------------------
!!!RRRRRING!!!
The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"
It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday..."
The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother.
Later in the day. the mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes.
So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.
Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.
It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn The mother opened another CD...
Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn
Love is... when you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You . . . "
------------------
If you Really Love Someone please Expressed your feeling and let them know how much you Love them,
That person might also love you in the same way as you love them Before it is too late................
Fresh Fish!!!!
The Japanese have always loved fresh fish.
But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades.
So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever.
The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish.
If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like the taste.
To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats.
They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer.
However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish.
The frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin.
After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving.
They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference.
Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste.
The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish.
So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem? How do they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan?
If you were consulting the fish industry, what would you recommend?
scroll down for answer :
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Here is How Japanese Fish Stay Fresh:
To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks.
But now they add a small shark to each tank. The shark eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state. The fish are challenged.
Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired & dull,
so we need a Shark in our life to keep us awake and moving?
Basically in our lives Sharks are new challenges to keep us active and lively.....
But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades.
So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever.
The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish.
If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like the taste.
To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats.
They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer.
However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish.
The frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin.
After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving.
They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference.
Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste.
The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish.
So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem? How do they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan?
If you were consulting the fish industry, what would you recommend?
scroll down for answer :
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Here is How Japanese Fish Stay Fresh:
To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks.
But now they add a small shark to each tank. The shark eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state. The fish are challenged.
Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired & dull,
so we need a Shark in our life to keep us awake and moving?
Basically in our lives Sharks are new challenges to keep us active and lively.....
Worms ....!!!!
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about The evils of liquor,
so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water,
A glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water,
A glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
Junior!!
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was.
The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said
"The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was.
The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said
"The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...
never judged anyone by their appearance again!!!!
One beautiful spring day a red rose blossomed in a forest. Many kinds of trees and plants grew there. As the rose looked around, a pine tree nearby said, "What a beautiful flower. I wish I was that lovely."
Another tree said, "Dear pine, do not be sad, we can not have everything."
The rose turned its head and remarked, "It seems that I am the most beautiful plant in this forest."
A sunflower raised its yellow head and asked, "Why do you say that? In this forest there are many beautiful plants. You are just one of them." The red rose replied, "I see everyone looking at me and admiring me."
Then the rose looked at a cactus and said, "Look at that ugly plant full of thorns!" The pine tree said, "Red rose, what kind of talk is this? Who can say what beauty is? You have thorns too."
The proud red rose looked angrily at the pine and said, "I thought you had good taste! You do not know what beauty is at all. You can not compare my thorns to that of the cactus."
"What a proud flower", thought the trees.
The rose tried to move its roots away from the cactus, but it could not move. As the days passed, the red rose would look at the cactus and say insulting things, like: This plant is useless? How sorry I am to be his neighbor."
The cactus never got upset and he even tried to advise the rose, saying, "God did not create any form of life without a purpose."
Spring passed, and the weather became very warm. Life became difficult in the forest, as the plants and animals needed water and no rain fell. The red rose began to wilt. One day the rose saw sparrows stick their beaks into the cactus and then fly away, refreshed.
This was puzzling, and the red rose asked the pine tree what the birds were doing. The pine tree explained that the birds got water from the cactus. "Does it not hurt when they make holes?" asked the rose.
"Yes, but the cactus does not like to see any birds suffer," replied the pine.
The rose opened its eyes in wonder and said, "The cactus has water?"
"Yes you can also drink from it. The sparrow can bring water to you if you ask the cactus for help."
The red rose felt too ashamed of its past words and behavior to ask for water from the cactus, but then it finally did ask the cactus for help. The cactus kindly agreed and the birds filled their beaks with water and watered the rose's roots.
Another tree said, "Dear pine, do not be sad, we can not have everything."
The rose turned its head and remarked, "It seems that I am the most beautiful plant in this forest."
A sunflower raised its yellow head and asked, "Why do you say that? In this forest there are many beautiful plants. You are just one of them." The red rose replied, "I see everyone looking at me and admiring me."
Then the rose looked at a cactus and said, "Look at that ugly plant full of thorns!" The pine tree said, "Red rose, what kind of talk is this? Who can say what beauty is? You have thorns too."
The proud red rose looked angrily at the pine and said, "I thought you had good taste! You do not know what beauty is at all. You can not compare my thorns to that of the cactus."
"What a proud flower", thought the trees.
The rose tried to move its roots away from the cactus, but it could not move. As the days passed, the red rose would look at the cactus and say insulting things, like: This plant is useless? How sorry I am to be his neighbor."
The cactus never got upset and he even tried to advise the rose, saying, "God did not create any form of life without a purpose."
Spring passed, and the weather became very warm. Life became difficult in the forest, as the plants and animals needed water and no rain fell. The red rose began to wilt. One day the rose saw sparrows stick their beaks into the cactus and then fly away, refreshed.
This was puzzling, and the red rose asked the pine tree what the birds were doing. The pine tree explained that the birds got water from the cactus. "Does it not hurt when they make holes?" asked the rose.
"Yes, but the cactus does not like to see any birds suffer," replied the pine.
The rose opened its eyes in wonder and said, "The cactus has water?"
"Yes you can also drink from it. The sparrow can bring water to you if you ask the cactus for help."
The red rose felt too ashamed of its past words and behavior to ask for water from the cactus, but then it finally did ask the cactus for help. The cactus kindly agreed and the birds filled their beaks with water and watered the rose's roots.
Best joke in Britan !!!
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
( This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain )
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
( This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain )
Nail In The Fence!!!
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.
His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.
Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger,the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.
The fence will never be the same.
When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.
It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."
His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.
Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger,the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.
The fence will never be the same.
When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.
It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."
please ! make me women ....
A man was sick and tired of goingto work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man'swish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast forhis mate, awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,
Drove them to school, came home andpicked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
He cleaned the cat's litter box andbathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M.and he hurried to make the beds,do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,
Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peelingpotatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and,
though his daily chores weren'tfinished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord,
I don't know what I was thinking. Iwas so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months,though. You got pregnant last night."
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man'swish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast forhis mate, awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,
Drove them to school, came home andpicked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
He cleaned the cat's litter box andbathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M.and he hurried to make the beds,do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,
Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peelingpotatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and,
though his daily chores weren'tfinished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord,
I don't know what I was thinking. Iwas so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months,though. You got pregnant last night."
Conclusion!!!!
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says,
"chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage and cheated me,
I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office...."
~~~~~~~~~
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " Tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
~~~~~~~~~
2 sardars are driving a Car,
One puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working,
He puts his head out and says - YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
"chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage and cheated me,
I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office...."
~~~~~~~~~
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " Tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
~~~~~~~~~
2 sardars are driving a Car,
One puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working,
He puts his head out and says - YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
This is the maid !! (Little Fun)
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50,000?"
The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"
The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."
A long pause and the man asks, "Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?"
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50,000?"
The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"
The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."
A long pause and the man asks, "Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?"
Study in US get Green card easily...
Get a master's degree from a US university and you could be sitting on an immigration goldmine.
According to reports, a new US Senate proposal would allow limitless H1-B visas and green cards for foreigners with master’s degrees or higher in any field from an American university — or anyone with such credentials in the science, technology, engineering or math fields from abroad.
That number could climb by 20% in each subsequent year, to as high as 180,000 if the previous year's quota was exhausted.
Right now, there's also a 20,000 visa cap beyond the existing H1-B quota for foreigners who have advanced degrees in the US. The new Senate Bill would remove that cap. It would also broaden the exemption from the H1-B limit beyond just those with advanced degrees to include foreigners with 'medical specialty certification based on post-doctoral training and experience in the United States'.
According to government sources, the private sector is woefully inadequate to tackle this perception in the US, even though Nasscom has proposed a "professional visa" which has been forwarded in the CEO's Forum between US and India.
In a statement, Lieberman, who may even run for president in 2008, said, "To remain competitive, American companies need access to highly educated individuals. But today's system makes it difficult for innovative employers to recruit and retain highly educated talent, which puts the US at a competitive disadvantage globally."
The Bill also safeguards these H1-B visas from abuse — it would prohibit companies from advertising jobs solely to H1-B immigrants or indicating preference for such workers. It would limit the number of employees on H1-B to no more than half a company's workforce. It would also double fines for employers that violate H1-B programme requirements.
The Bill drew immediate applause from Microsoft, whose high-powered chairman Bill Gates recently urged Congress again to allow for infinite quantities of the work permits.
But there are other groups that prefer a Bill introduced earlier this year by two other senators, Chuck Grassley and Dick Durbin that attempts to prevent H1-B abuse by imposing a number of new obligations on employers.
High-tech companies have protested these obligations as too overbearing. Employers would have to certify that they had made a "good faith" effort to hire an American before taking on an H1-B worker and that the foreigner was not displacing a prospective US worker. That Bill's sponsors on Monday issued inquiries to a number of Indian companies, targeting statistics showing some of them were among the top 20 H1-B recipients last year.
According to reports, a new US Senate proposal would allow limitless H1-B visas and green cards for foreigners with master’s degrees or higher in any field from an American university — or anyone with such credentials in the science, technology, engineering or math fields from abroad.
That number could climb by 20% in each subsequent year, to as high as 180,000 if the previous year's quota was exhausted.
Right now, there's also a 20,000 visa cap beyond the existing H1-B quota for foreigners who have advanced degrees in the US. The new Senate Bill would remove that cap. It would also broaden the exemption from the H1-B limit beyond just those with advanced degrees to include foreigners with 'medical specialty certification based on post-doctoral training and experience in the United States'.
According to government sources, the private sector is woefully inadequate to tackle this perception in the US, even though Nasscom has proposed a "professional visa" which has been forwarded in the CEO's Forum between US and India.
In a statement, Lieberman, who may even run for president in 2008, said, "To remain competitive, American companies need access to highly educated individuals. But today's system makes it difficult for innovative employers to recruit and retain highly educated talent, which puts the US at a competitive disadvantage globally."
The Bill also safeguards these H1-B visas from abuse — it would prohibit companies from advertising jobs solely to H1-B immigrants or indicating preference for such workers. It would limit the number of employees on H1-B to no more than half a company's workforce. It would also double fines for employers that violate H1-B programme requirements.
The Bill drew immediate applause from Microsoft, whose high-powered chairman Bill Gates recently urged Congress again to allow for infinite quantities of the work permits.
But there are other groups that prefer a Bill introduced earlier this year by two other senators, Chuck Grassley and Dick Durbin that attempts to prevent H1-B abuse by imposing a number of new obligations on employers.
High-tech companies have protested these obligations as too overbearing. Employers would have to certify that they had made a "good faith" effort to hire an American before taking on an H1-B worker and that the foreigner was not displacing a prospective US worker. That Bill's sponsors on Monday issued inquiries to a number of Indian companies, targeting statistics showing some of them were among the top 20 H1-B recipients last year.
H1B allocation this Year
The United States has proposed a new rule prohibiting the employers from filing multiple applications for H-1B visa, widely sought by Indians, for the same employee to ensure a fair and orderly distribution of available visas.
"To ensure a fair and orderly distribution of available H-1B visas, USCIS will deny or revoke multiple petitions filed by an employer for the same H-1B worker and will not refund the filing fees submitted with multiple or duplicative petitions," the US Citizenship and Immigration Services said in an announcement.
The Congress has set a limit of 65,000 for most H-1B workers for the fiscal 2009.
Additionally, the first 20,000 H-1B workers who have a US Master's degree or higher are exempted from the cap.
Under current procedures, which are not changed by this rule, once USCIS receives 20,000 petitions for aliens with a US Master's degree or higher, all other cases requesting the educational exemption are counted toward the 65,000 cap.
Once the 65,000 cap is reached for a fiscal year, USCIS will announce that the cap has been filled and reject further petitions subject to the cap.
The rule also stipulates that if USCIS determines the number of H-1B petitions received meets the cap within the first five business days of accepting applications for the coming fiscal year, USCIS will apply a random selection process among all H-1B petitions received during this time period.
"If the 20,000 advanced degree limit is reached during the first five business days, USCIS will randomly select from those petitions ahead of conducting the random selection for the 65,000 limit. Petitions subject to the 20,000 limit that are not selected in that random selection will be considered with the other H-1B petitions in the random selection for the 65,000 limit," the agency said.
The rule further clarifies that USCIS will deny petitions that incorrectly claim an exemption from any H-1B numerical limits and those filing fees will not be returned.
"To ensure a fair and orderly distribution of available H-1B visas, USCIS will deny or revoke multiple petitions filed by an employer for the same H-1B worker and will not refund the filing fees submitted with multiple or duplicative petitions," the US Citizenship and Immigration Services said in an announcement.
The Congress has set a limit of 65,000 for most H-1B workers for the fiscal 2009.
Additionally, the first 20,000 H-1B workers who have a US Master's degree or higher are exempted from the cap.
Under current procedures, which are not changed by this rule, once USCIS receives 20,000 petitions for aliens with a US Master's degree or higher, all other cases requesting the educational exemption are counted toward the 65,000 cap.
Once the 65,000 cap is reached for a fiscal year, USCIS will announce that the cap has been filled and reject further petitions subject to the cap.
The rule also stipulates that if USCIS determines the number of H-1B petitions received meets the cap within the first five business days of accepting applications for the coming fiscal year, USCIS will apply a random selection process among all H-1B petitions received during this time period.
"If the 20,000 advanced degree limit is reached during the first five business days, USCIS will randomly select from those petitions ahead of conducting the random selection for the 65,000 limit. Petitions subject to the 20,000 limit that are not selected in that random selection will be considered with the other H-1B petitions in the random selection for the 65,000 limit," the agency said.
The rule further clarifies that USCIS will deny petitions that incorrectly claim an exemption from any H-1B numerical limits and those filing fees will not be returned.
stat() function
stat, fstat, lstat - get file status
#include <sys/types.h>
#include <sys/stat.h>
#include <unistd.h>
int stat(const char *path, struct stat *buf);
int fstat(int filedes, struct stat *buf);
int lstat(const char *path, struct stat *buf);
Description
These functions return information about a file. No permissions are required on the file itself, but -- in the case of stat() and lstat() -- execute (search) permission is required on all of the directories in path that lead to the file.
stat() stats the file pointed to by path and fills in buf.
lstat() is identical to stat(), except that if path is a symbolic link, then the link itself is stat-ed, not the file that it refers to.
fstat() is identical to stat(), except that the file to be stat-ed is specified by the file descriptor filedes.
All of these system calls return a stat structure, which contains the following fields:
The following flags are defined for the st_mode field:struct stat {
dev_t st_dev; /* ID of device containing file */
ino_t st_ino; /* inode number */
mode_t st_mode; /* protection */
nlink_t st_nlink; /* number of hard links */
uid_t st_uid; /* user ID of owner */
gid_t st_gid; /* group ID of owner */
dev_t st_rdev; /* device ID (if special file) */
off_t st_size; /* total size, in bytes */
blksize_t st_blksize; /* blocksize for filesystem I/O */
blkcnt_t st_blocks; /* number of blocks allocated */
time_t st_atime; /* time of last access */
time_t st_mtime; /* time of last modification */
time_t st_ctime; /* time of last status change */
};
| S_IFMT | 0170000 | bitmask for the file type bitfields |
| S_IFSOCK | 0140000 | socket |
| S_IFLNK | 0120000 | symbolic link |
| S_IFREG | 0100000 | regular file |
| S_IFBLK | 0060000 | block device |
| S_IFDIR | 0040000 | directory |
| S_IFCHR | 0020000 | character device |
| S_IFIFO | 0010000 | FIFO |
| S_ISUID | 0004000 | set UID bit |
| S_ISGID | 0002000 | set-group-ID bit (see below) |
| S_ISVTX | 0001000 | sticky bit (see below) |
| S_IRWXU | 00700 | mask for file owner permissions |
| S_IRUSR | 00400 | owner has read permission |
| S_IWUSR | 00200 | owner has write permission |
| S_IXUSR | 00100 | owner has execute permission |
| S_IRWXG | 00070 | mask for group permissions |
| S_IRGRP | 00040 | group has read permission |
| S_IWGRP | 00020 | group has write permission |
| S_IXGRP | 00010 | group has execute permission |
| S_IRWXO | 00007 | mask for permissions for others (not in group) |
| S_IROTH | 00004 | others have read permission |
| S_IWOTH | 00002 | others have write permission |
| S_IXOTH | 00001 | others have execute permission |
Linux Notes
Since kernel 2.5.48, the stat structure supports nanosecond resolution for the three file timestamp fields. Glibc exposes the nanosecond component of each field using names either of the form st_atim.tv_nsec, if the _BSD_SOURCE or _SVID_SOURCE feature test macro is defined, or of the form st_atimensec, if neither of these macros is defined. On file systems that do not support sub-second timestamps, these nanosecond fields are returned with the value 0.For most files under the /proc directory, stat() does not return the file size in the st_size field; instead the field is returned with the value 0.
Return Value
On success, zero is returned. On error, -1 is returned, and errno is set appropriately.
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